A Letter to Blake- Jess from Positively Oakes

Blake,

This is for you my beautiful daughter, to read and remember that you’re strong, beautiful and perfect the way you are and that you CAN get through anything. This is Mama’s story.

First off a little back story, I moved to Idaho when I was 14 from California. I instantly met a fun group of people to hang out with, but that shortly ended less than a year later. Hurtful things were said, videos made to make fun of me, and lies were told, this bullying behavior from this group lasted until after I graduated high school. But this is just a small part of my story and I don't feel they deserve to even be recognized as playing a part in my life, but neither do the people I am about to talk about. However, I want this bullying situation to stop and I feel like what I'm about to share is much more vital to my story. So we will start here, about a year and a half later. 

I’m 16 and I suffer with bulimia nervosa. I say suffer, because I still struggle with it EVERY single day. I may not compulsively eat and purge on a daily basis anymore, but it is a thought in my mind constantly, a quick solution to all of my problems. This all started the summer before my senior year in high school. I was on the cheer squad the year before, we had just won state, and cheer and high school were my life. Now when I say cheer I don’t mean your typical high school cheer squad. We were extremely dedicated and it was a lot of work, we had personal trainers, practiced every day, sometimes twice a day and whether it was discussed or not, image was everything. Like I said we had personal trainers for crying out loud. I was generally a base or a back spot, which is the girl at the bottom of the pyramid. Sometimes I would fly for fun, we all would, why not try something new every once in a while, but this was only when it wasn’t close to competition time! I thought my life was great, whether the girls were mean or not and I lived in this little world of perfection. I look back now and realize..Jess how dare you let those girls say the things they did and treat you the way they did, why didn’t you stand up for yourself? But then I remember thinking, as long as I fit in and am “popular” what’s the point? I will let them say what they want as long as I am invited over to their house for a sleepover tonight with all the other “cool” girls or a party that weekend. I wanted so badly to be “popular”, but what is popular? It’s definitely not what I thought it was back then, no one in my book that is “popular” today is mean or demeaning towards other people. And does popularity really matter? Now this may sound so silly and a little cliché but this is a vital part of how my eating disorder began and where bullying was a huge part of my life, whether I realized it was bullying behavior or not at the time. This group of “popular” girls constantly said and did mean things whether it was towards me or not, it was bullying and one day a line was crossed--more so than the usual games and backstabbing. I remember we were all playing around with cheer stunts and I wanted so badly to be a flyer for fun, I asked and asked and these girls ignored me for a while (common) but finally after they all got a turn, I was heard! I was so excited! I had flown before and knew exactly what to do! The first time we did just a basic stunt and I was feeling pretty good, I nailed it. Then the girls said why don’t you try a harder stunt? So I thought why not, they’re talking to me, they’re encouraging me, I went up and tried to hit this stunt, we tried this a couple of times and then finally I hit it for half a second or so but then came crumbling down. Well the entire point of the bases and the back spot is to catch the flyer, right? Well my bases tried to catch me, but my entire left side fell right through their arms. This wasn’t a big deal, I wasn’t hurt and I knew it was probably an accident, I had made such accidents before as well, it happens! But here is where it took a turn for the worse, and now looking back I realize how incredibly wrong it was, the girls started whispering, things were said, and the worst thing that was said that I could hear was, "she’s too heavy to fly, I could barely hold her up.” I was a direct target of bullying.

I still think back to that day and constantly replay it in my head even though it was years ago. At the time I was a 5’3” girl weighing about 105 pounds and I was called heavy. (Heavy! Really?!) From that moment it was instilled in my head that I was fat, that one little comment put me over the edge. And then as the weeks went by it got worse, they got meaner, and I shut down. Obviously other things contributed to my eating disorder, I felt like I didn’t fit in, I had the idea of thin instilled in my head since I was a child. I did gymnastics for a long time, from about age 3 until age 14, it was extremely competitive and I loved every second of it. But as many of you may know you have to be small in order to be a gymnast. I remember having weigh ins once a week, this constant feeling that I needed to be perfect, which meant small in my eyes, and constant physical training and practices even worse and more often than my cheerleading days. It was already this idea in my head that you had to be a certain weight, a certain size from the age of three. Now I want to make this clear before I go any further, I do NOT blame my parents for this in anyway; it’s not their fault at all. In fact I begged my Mom and Dad to do gymnastics and cheerleading, there were no pressures of my parents at all, just love and support. Now getting back on topic, since I already had this mindset that thin and small was better these comments, this group of girls, pushed those thoughts too far, pushed me over the edge. When I was seventeen years old I began my first eating disorder, anorexia. At first I just toyed with the idea, I would try to eat as little as possible, but couldn’t always get myself to do it, I mean I was hungry (who wouldn’t be?!) Then after awhile of practice I was able to starve myself for days upon days, or eat the bare minimum so that my parents didn’t suspect anything. This is something I was proud of, I felt like I had accomplished something huge, looking back now, it disgusts me, that’s definitely not anything to be proud of. There were days that I could barely get out of bed. This was my security blanket though, my safe haven, and my biggest secret.  After months and months more of experiencing extreme bullying, I finally decided to let go of cheerleading and quit before my senior year. And well, things just went downhill from here. My entire summer and first semester of my senior year I struggled with anorexia off and on.  There were days that I did better than others, but for the most part I didn’t eat and I didn’t want to eat. I compared myself to everyone and everything. I didn’t talk much to the girls that had bullied me and if I did it was the fakest conversation ever and I knew it, but I still felt that glimpse of “coolness” when one of them said hi to me. But no one knew about my secret and I liked that, I felt like I had this control and could do anything I wanted, it gave me confidence. The way I looked at it everyone had a better life than me, people weren’t nice to me and I was miserable and wallowing in self-pity. I decided to graduate a semester early, I wanted out. I hated high school at this point and had no reason to stay, people weren't nice. As mentioned briefly at the beginning of my story, there was another group of kids at school who had been pretty mean to me since I was a freshman and now this—I was DONE. I was accepted into a university in Eastern Idaho and worked at a local fast food place in Boise until the fall when I headed off to college. I did my own thing; I was distant from pretty much everyone and especially my parents and eventually only confided in one person, my best friend, who is still to this day one of my best friends. She helped me with a lot; she eventually helped me break this habit of anorexia and pushed me forward each day. I remember her threatening to tell my parents, which at the time scared me to death. I was always hanging out with her so I couldn’t hide anything from her and I know she watched my like a hawk, which was a good thing I realize now. Finally it was January; I was done with high school and ready for the next step of my life. Things were starting to turn around, I had new friends, a couple of GOOD old ones, and had decided to walk with my graduating class in June and put aside my hurt feelings, plus my best friend was going to be there so there was nothing to worry about! Now my life was getting back on track and I wasn't letting this bullying control me. 

Finally June was here, it was graduation day, I got ready with a couple of my friends and was on my way to the ceremony to officially walk and graduate high school, nothing could stand in my way, not even those girls who had made my life, for a lack of better words, hell. Well the day turned out to actually be pretty good, I ignored the negativity and surrounded my self with the positives, I was happy! I spent the next few months before going off to college with my closest friends and stayed generally pretty happy, minus the typical teenage drama here and there. I was close with my parents and even better honest, I had nothing that I was hiding. I worked out every day in order to keep physically fit the smart way and worked to save money before college started. Life couldn’t have seemed better! And the saying that everyone had told me, “That minus the grades and getting into college, high school was just a stepping stone and you’re not going to care about what happened there” actually seemed to become true! After what seemed like such an amazing summer the next thing I knew August was here. My best friend was headed her own way for college and it was time for me to start the drive to Rexburg, Idaho. I remember being so excited for college in January, but now at this point, I wasn’t excited to go, I was leaving my friends that I had made and grown close to and my boyfriend, whom at the time I thought was just the greatest thing ever! I now dreaded this day, I didn’t want to go, and I hated every part of it. I pulled up to my new apartment with my parents and started carrying all of my stuff upstairs. My parents helped me unpack and try to make my new place as home-y as possible and before I knew it my mom was crying and they were back in the car on their way to Boise. I was devastated. I knew this was going to be hard, being in a new place all alone, but I thought it would be better than this. My roommates were nice and they really put forth an effort to include me, but I was still sad and lonely. I wanted to go home so badly, I would call my mom in tears every single night, and she would always tell me how much she loved me and that I didn’t have to stay there, but just to try and finish the semester out. I continued to push forward and it continued to get worse every day. I decided to find a distraction, I turned to working out, I worked out every single day, twice a day, sometimes three times a day. My roommates called me the work-out-aholic and to be honest I loved every second of it and the attention I was getting. Well this turned into more than just a working out obsession; I started obsessing over every single aspect of my body, my self-image and especially my weight again, all because I remembered I had already been down this path because I was told I was fat before--I knew exactly how to make myself feel better. I turned to the Internet, started looking up ways to lose weight quickly. Well let me tell you that the Internet is probably the worst place to turn for a search like this. The next thing I know I was researching how to make myself throw up “quietly”, how to be better at being bulimic, and so on and so forth. It’s so extremely sad how many sites they have that explain how to be bulimic and support groups that tell you to keep pushing forward and that purging is the answer to everything. Well, I bought into it, I bought into what society was telling me, thin was the answer, to not only beauty, but to happiness. I let the world get under my skin, the people around me and I fell into false happiness.

The next month of my life was one I will never forget. I know my roommates knew what I was doing, at least a couple of them. I didn’t eat in front of them, I would go out and binge like crazy to only purge and get rid of my mistake later. I would constantly talk about being skinny and how skinny I was, I am sure I was annoying to everyone around me. I liked to point out how my clothes were too big for me, it was an accomplishment in my eyes, I didn’t hide my skinniness, just how I achieved it.  This was my control. I felt like I had no control elsewhere, I couldn’t go home without disappointing myself and my family, I had no friends there, mainly because I was too stubborn and lonely to really try and make any and with my track record it didn't prove to be very successful and to be honest I was sad. I would wallow in self-pity, and reflect back on my past and how people were never nice, so why try now. I felt like I had no control in my life whatsoever and this was my sanction. It was my one place I could go and feel like I had control, like I could do whatever I wanted and at the time, it made me my absolute happiest. Well, then the day came, the day where I passed out for the first time. I scared my roommates half to death and well myself as well. I was 19, I weighed 98 pounds at a height of 5’4”. 

It only got worse from here on out and I wish I could say I learned my lesson, but I didn’t. After I passed out the first time, it continued, I passed out again and again, and finally after the third time of passing out in one day and my second trip to the emergency room, my parents headed up to the small town I was living in. You see, when I say small town, I mean SMALL town; they didn’t have a cardiologist on staff at that time and my parents decided it was best if they drove me to the local hospital in Boise through the night. I slept the entire way there and before I knew it was in a hospital room in downtown Boise hooked up to a number of machines. I had a feeling what was causing all of this, but no way was I about to break that news to my parents or the doctors. The hospital continued to monitor me and I continued to go downhill, at this point I was having seizures, anywhere from 4 to 10 a day, obviously this wasn’t normal. Many tests were performed and yet no answers received. I was small, they knew that, but no one ever questioned why, I had always been pretty small so it didn’t raise any concerns. Finally after spending about a week at the hospital, which is still to this day such a blur, I was given a medication that stopped the seizing and was sent home under my parent’s observation. After about a month of resting at home, not eating much and purging when I could, I maintained my, at this point PROUD 98 pounds, that I had worked so hard to get to. Finally I was doing better, and when I say better, I mean no more seizures or passing out and had kept my secret, my secret. Now “better”, home from school and back to my hometown I started going out and making new friends and hanging out with old ones as well. This was good for me, I still kept my secret, but slowly I was finding “happiness” in my life again. Oh but things weren’t perfect yet. I reconnected with an old friend and we became pretty close again, sharing secrets and always together. Well we had one BIG secret in common, bulimia. Bulimia isn’t a good thing alone, and it’s definitely not a good thing in a pack of two. I became even more obsessed. Instead of binge eating and purging, I would purge after every single thing that I ate. Constantly carrying my toothbrush around, and finding somewhere private, in some cases that even meant a bag in my car. I was unstoppable and felt like I was on top of the world. At this point my Mom could definitely tell something was going on, but I would layer up and wear lots of baggy clothes unless I was out of the house, that way I could show off this skinny body I had worked so hard for and no questions were asked. Now that the seizures had stopped and I wasn’t passing out anymore I thought, that’s all I had to handle and I got through it, my body is use to it now. Until I woke up the next morning with several broken blood vessels in my eye. My eyes had been a yellow color for a couple of months now, but from what I had read, that was normal from making yourself throw up so much. But this, this blood vessel thing was definitely new, I had three clear popped blood vessels in my eyes. I didn’t know what to do, this was definitely noticeable, how was I going to hide this?  (Come to find out this was caused from the stress of making myself throw up it strained my eyes) I had a sore throat all the time, constant aching pain in my stomach, and my teeth were beyond sensitive, but these were all things I could hide, no one could see them and it wasn’t anything a Popsicle and some tums wouldn’t fix, minus the sensitive teeth, I still suffer with those to this day. Well this was it; this was again, my breaking point. Now, now I am about to make a confession.  

I don’t know why this is what broke me, I still don’t understand it to this day. But something clicked. I had this plan to go back to school (one closer to home) and I wanted to go so badly, I was supposed to start in March, which happened to be just a couple months away. I was passionate about it and wanted to pursue that goal. But that morning when I woke up and saw blood in my eyes, I realized I couldn’t accomplish anything if I was dead. That’s what this was leading to, my body was attacking itself. I had read about this as well, but then I made a connection, that was generally the last that I had read from many of those sites. What happened after that? I didn’t want to find out, and I needed help, I realized that I wanted an out. My life wasn’t as bad as I was making it. This wasn’t going to be easy though, this was a habit, a bad one, and I loved it so much I didn’t know how I was going to break it. Then came the confession, I remember this day like it was yesterday, I was folding laundry in my room when my mom came in. I said Mom; I have something to tell you. This was so hard for me, my Mom and I were so close, we were getting along and I had this awful secret haunting our relationship. I looked at her, my stomach turning and my hands shaking then I said it, I said sometimes when I eat I don’t keep it down. I was still in denial, obviously because looking back that little “sometimes” I threw in there, definitely wasn’t the truth. My mom started to tear up and she had me further explain, I told her I wanted help, I didn’t want to get sick again, I was tired of always going to the doctors and being so weak, I wanted so badly to go to back to school and to finish. We talked for a little while longer and she was nothing but kind and supportive our entire conversation.  Then, at the end she hugged me and told me she loved me. I FINALLY got the help that I so badly needed. 

It was a long process, full of doctors appointments, meetings with nutritionists, and therapy many times a week, but I did it and I overcame it. Bullying was the lead cause of a drastic change in my life, that almost killed me. But it didn't, I turned it around and now I'm going to do everything in my power to spread the word about bullying prevention and promote kindness.

Blake, I want you to know that you’re perfect. I want you to know that if ANYONE ever says anything mean to you, you let it roll right off and look in the mirror to remind yourself that God created you to be the most precious girl out there. Help others, make a difference and follow your dreams. Don’t let anyone push you around and remember to always be kind to those around you. I love you sweet girl, always remember that.

Love,

Mama

This post was written by Jess Oakes. You can find her blogging at Positively Oakes and being a new Mom, most likely with a Dr. Pepper in her hand. She loves spreading awareness to important issues and doing her part in making the world a better place.

Letter To My Children- SidebySide Baby

Allie and Amelia,

I wish I could protect you from the world...

From hurt feelings, future boyfriends, bullies, falling and from anything that causes you pain. As your mother, I find that as you get older there is no actual way of keeping you protected other then wrapping you in bubble wrap and homeschooling you until your 30. 

As great as having a bubble wrap rash sounds till your 30! I know that I have to teach you how to protect yourself and how to be kind instead. 

I wish I could tell you once high school ends that bullying and anything causing you pain will end. 

I cannot lie to you, the truth is that even as a mother I experience bullying and pain. 

Yes, it doesn't end in high school. Once you're a mother, you even experience bullying from other mothers. And you experience pain from daily things. 

All I can do for you as a mother, is raise a daughter who is strong, confident and kind. I want you to know that when you focus on yourself and build yourself to be stronger, then you can become a woman that can not only help yourself but others too. 

Remember to always be kind and thoughtful. Remember how every low you feel, there is always someone out there feeling lower. And you can be the one to help them out. 

We are all kids and still learning daily. Don't be afraid to make mistakes but correct them when your done. 

When you see that kid in the corner that has those glossy eyes from having a ruff day, remember to extend a helping hand and make a friend. 

Take it one day at a time and remember,

Tomorrow is always a new day. 

Mom

SidebySide Baby

A Letter To My Sons- Heather

There are so many things I want you boys to know.  There are so many lessons I want to teach, and so many experiences I want you to have.  The truth is, you will make your way through life and learn things on your own, and ultimately form your own ideas, and your own views on life. You will decide how you carry yourself and the way you deal with others.  What I hope to do is to create a foundation that is so strong and so good, that it lights the path you will take.  I don't want to determine the ways you will go, rather to lead you in positive directions that will help you to grow into strong men, with good values and kind hearts. 

I want you to be strong.  

Strong enough to tell someone when they're hurting you, or someone else.  Hopefully you will stand up for others who are weaker and can't do it on their own.  I'll try to instill this in you, that everyone has a story and a background and to be slow to judge and quick to forgive.  But it will be in your hands to live this way.  

I want to let you know I'm not perfect either.  No one is.  

But you try and recover from faults.  You TRY and be a better person and grow and learn and keep an open mind.  I get scared sometimes I'll miss a lesson, or I'll behave in a way that will show you the opposite of what I want to instill.  But that's what being human is.  The fact that you notice things in yourself is what helps you grow, and to become a better human being.  I'm still growing boys, and I hope I am until the day I die.  There will never come a day where I say, ' I don't need to know anymore' or 'I know everything.'  You never should either.  Stay humble and remember the world has so much to teach you, and be open to it.  

You will be afraid in life.  

At some point you might feel less than someone.  There might be a time where you feel unworthy, not good enough, just plain depressed.  This is normal.  What I want you to remember is that everyone feels this way sometimes.  The important part is how you deal with it.  Your character is the most important thing you have, because despite what you can afford, what career you hold, it is what defines you.  How do you treat others when you're in pain? Everyone is going through a struggle we know nothing about.  So just as I mentioned above how you might feel, keep in mind others might be feeling the same way.  

Be kind.  You'll never regret it.  

It's easy in life to start to form a hardened shell.  Especially when you're sensitive.  It's easy to look at someone and say 'what's wrong with them' or 'they're weird, they're mean.'  Try to keep your empathy, try to stay objective;  you just never know the whole story. 

All in all I want you to be true to yourself, while not letting your wishes and desires harm others.  I want you to live a fulfilling life, that enriches the lives of others in some way.  You have already changed my life, and I know you have so many more to touch.  You made me grow up a bit.  All I wanted was to sleep in, or watch the shows I used to watch, or paint or write.  But you were a baby, and you needed me so.  I cherish that you need me now so deeply.  That first time I realized I couldn't do just what I wanted, when I wanted, it might've hurt a bit.  But it made me a better person, and it made me happier.  We go around thinking fulfilling only the things that WE want is the key to happiness.  You have made me see that it's so much more than that.  I'll have a time to do the things I want, when I want.  My role now is enriched and my life is full.  I will chase my dreams, while caring for you.  Not care for you, while chasing my dreams.  You, my babies, will always be the most important.  

I love you boys, with all of my heart and soul.  My world is so much better because you're in it.   Always remember how special you are, and the power that you have to make the world a better place.  Try to lead with love, and see the world out of that mindset.   Keep a clear vision on what you want, and take little steps that will lead you there.  You might get lost a time or two, but never despair.  Those little detours add character.  

Love you more than the whole, wide, world.  ~  Mom 

To My Sweet Girl- A Letter from Terri

My sweet girl,

You're growing up in an age where social media has slowly taken over the planet. It's one of the primary sources of communication, connections, acceptance, and the (lengthy) list goes on.
While I believe there can always be good found in this medium, I worry. I worry for your soul and how this "world of technology" could affect it.

I know we were created to be fulfilled by love and am fully aware that our need to be loved and accepted runs deep. One day, when you're old enough to know what social media is (yikes), you're going to ask to create an account. I'm dreading that day. I worry that you may be swallowed up in the glossiness this pseudo world tends to create. It doesn't necessarily have to be as doom and gloom as I'm making it out to be, but I've been there. The days in which I've felt pressured to only share the best moments, even if they're not really happening. The temptation to validate my worth and beauty by how many likes and comments my photos receive. Yet somehow, I'm always left wanting. Not satisfied, not validated, it's never quite enough....

My sweet girl, what I really need you to know is that when you have Christ, you already have the full approval of the only one that will ever matter and that's always going to be Jesus. Don't believe the lies, don't give into the temptation because it will always lead down a path of deception. You're beauty and worth are found in your identity in Christ! I would love to say that you could always find that in us, your family, or your dearest friends. While it's so true that we love you in a most profound way, we are not perfect and could never love perfectly. That perfect love was only reserved for Christ to give you!

Never forget...

Love you so deeply,
mama.

 

 Terri McHugh is a wife, mama of 3 and photographer. You can follow her on IG @terrimchugh.  Her blog XOXO, Terri can be found here.

To My Dear Son- A Letter by Kaye

To my dear son:

Your journey has just begun, and as I watch you enjoy life every single day, I can only hope that your uncontrollable laughter and insurmountable joy in the little things remains a steady part of your childhood, teens, and adulthood.

But, sadly, I know better.

There is going to come a time when laughter is only left for those moments with your best buds, sometimes even just one buddy. A moment when tears will stream down your face, not because you don’t want to take a nap or are throwing your biggest and best tantrum for that toy you are inevitably going to get, but because you are hurting so deeply from something that someone said or did.

I want you to know that I’ve been there before. I still remember hurtful words that were said to me. I still have leftover feelings of resentment and anger. I still carry some of those wounds with me today.

At one point of my life, I thought the best way to combat all those negative feelings was to reflect back the very thing that hurt me. I became mean, spiteful, and ignorantly proud in my own opinions. But the truth was, I was never meant to become that.

And neither are you. Always stand up for yourself in the best ways you know how, but know there’s a distinct difference between standing up for what you believe in and making someone feel less than.

You might be teased because you’re different than someone or be tempted to make fun of someone that’s not like you, but no two people are exactly alike. Nope, not even twins.

Think of it this way: You and each of your friends have different superpowers! How cool it that?! So choose to celebrate differences.

Always stand tall in knowing that you are amazing. You are enough just the way you are. You are important in this world. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

I love you always,

Mama

Little Homie Tee// Hip Little Tribe 

Get Your Happy On Tee// Hip Little Tribe

Kaye can be found on Instagram @littlegoldenpenguin. You can visit her inspiring blog at www.littlegoldenpenguin.com.

Back to School Fashion for the Boys-Tiffany

We are switching gears and taking a look at the boy’s back-to-school wardrobe. 

While grades are always the core area of attention, it’s still a point of personal contention to sustain a level of sartorial cool throughout the year.  And, because cool has many connotations, it really is up to each person’s individual preferences on what style they want to embrace.

For the kids that need a little help finding a relatable style, we have put together a look that can work for any age with minimal tweaking. Pulling inspiration from Dolce & Gabbana’s collection, we are outfitting a look that yields prices that are more affordable for your sprouting littles.

Photo Cred: Dolce & Gabbana

First things first: comfort is key and "athleisure" is what we call an elevated activewear style.  This is also mixed with the theme of Street Etiquette, which is a nod to the urban streetwear scene.  Pairing these looks together provides a comfortable yet edgy aesthetic that is full of attitude (which is quite like my growing oldest one).

I have always looked at clothing as a form of communication.  Without realizing it, your choices in attire can really tell a story about who you are.  Interestingly, this trend projects the message of empowerment to me.  I get the sense that the child wearing this outfit is strong and confident.  And what parent wouldn’t want their child potraying this?

Shop the look below...

1: Sweater
2. Jogger Pant
3. Cap
4. Knit Scarf
5. Backpack
6. High Tops

Here’s to an A+ year in grades and style alike!                  1

Back to School Fashion for the Girls-Heather

Back to School is synonymous with 'Back to School Shopping.'  I know many parents can feel the pinch of all the new school expenses from extracurricular activities to school supplies.  Your child's wardrobe doesn't have to be one of those black or white issues meaning; you break the bank, or you don't get new gear for your little one.  Why can't we have great fashion forward looks for a fraction of the price?  Well, guess what, you can! 

I know this, not from a widespread newsletter or a fashion magazine article.  I know this because I am THRIFTY, with a capital 'T.'  I'm almost positive I was born this way because as long as I can remember I have found it a personal challenge to get that steal of a deal.  I'm sure my mom had a hand in this, though I think it goes one step deeper into my actual DNA.  I take inspiration from all fashion sources, but choose to carry out the purchases through affordable means.  I mean, our kids grow like weeds, so it makes sense to choose wisely.  Of course, every now and then I find that piece that speaks to me and has to come home, but it does not come with an entire outfit (gasp; this has NEVER happened).  High/ low dressing, or mixing high end pieces with budget friendly pieces, is definitely my chosen method. 

So when you're out shopping for that stylish look, take a little inspiration from the designers, but if you're like me and don't like to spend a pretty penny to look chic, translate the look into something more attainable for the average consumer.

Here's a look from Dolce & Gabbana's Fall 2016 kids look book.  It's a great mix of patterns and textures, made up of classic pieces that are paired together to make the outcome a little more fun.  

I put together a similar look with pieces ranging from $60 dollars and below.  All the pieces are basics that could be transformed into tons of other outfits (which factors in my mind when purchasing something.) 

Click on the links below to shop these items:

Blouse

Headband

Bookbag

Coat Dress

Skirt

Tights

Boots

Have fun with all the preparations as you and your child both take on the new school year, a little more stylish than before! 

A Letter To My Daughters- Tiffany

To My Daughters,

It’s the rainiest of days and you just want to be left alone: to shut the world out and disappear.  

I know…I have been there.

I want you to know that I have weathered the storms too.  When the floodgates burst open and you feel like your drowning- it happens to us ALL at some point in our lives.  

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow.

There will come a day when you feel a little less than you should.  When someone has the power to make you feel so small so they can feel bigger and bigger.

It’s so easy to get lost in our problems.  It’s easy to just sit there and “take it.”  You go on living life and letting people say what they want about you because you are too worried of what they will do or say if you have a voice.  This is the part of me I struggle with.  It is something that I recognize but nonetheless it is hard to be someone you are not.  And I wouldn’t say I was STRONG. And, I've realized that I get scared and that’s okay.

I am stronger because I have been weak.

I fear less because I have been afraid.

I can remember back to my elementary school days.  I recall a day that still makes me cringe.  I was riding the bus home from school and a classmate put gum in my hair.  I don’t recall why or what led up to it, but just like it was yesterday, I remember running home crying to my parents.  I didn’t say anything to that girl but instead my parents called her parents and made her come apologize to me.  It was mortifying- for some reason I couldn’t speak. 

This happened on many other occasions throughout my years growing up.  I remember in high school having awful rumors spread about me: walking through the halls and being yelled at and called embarrassing names.  And the words haunted me like a passion.   My lips would quiver, my body shook and I muttered the words in my head. 

I could never get the words out.

I felt so stupid that I just couldn’t stand up for myself.  I was fearful and I let it eat me up inside.  Let me tell you, that is not the way to live!

This feeling of fear, it didn’t go away.  I carried this with me through college and into adulthood.  I allowed people I dated to wrong me and I allowed others around me to hurt me just the same.  At one point, I entered willingly into a relationship that I thought was “love.”  It was bliss and I felt I was right where I should be.  But then, it all went wrong.  Slowly, I allowed someone to bully and hurt me in a way I NEVER imagined I would let anyone. I had reached the height of all my fears and I started to realize something needed to change.

Change doesn’t come easy and it doesn’t come without work.  If you want to live your life for YOU and if you want to really live and be happy, then you need to stand up for yourself. I have learned so much from my experiences and I have even more to learn.  But, even a broken crayon can still color!

When you feel like your whole world is falling apart, just stay positive and know you’ll be okay. 

You are going to want to give up.  DON’T.

Just because one person makes you feel like you are nothing, be confident enough to know that you are enough. That moment I finally stood up for myself was when I started to see a plan in my life.  I now know that it is never too late to be strong.  And when I stood up for myself, I was also imparting a voice to the many other people that are bullied or affected by violence.  And it was the most liberated I have EVER felt.

I leave you with this advice: Don’t give up.  Fight for yourself and who you are.  Fight for others. And remember we can't reverse the wrongs, but we can learn from them and find strength from it. 

You can’t go back. 

So, open up and stand up ALWAYS.  Just be you, and let your inner beauty shine through. 

Love you most,

Mom

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)